Monkey News

I know, I've nicked the title. But at the end of the day this is bloody well worth it.

First, monkeys have caused me to find God. I mean it. I know i've posted a bit of secular gubbins in the past few days but I am now a firm believer in Him, the Un-caused cause, the Prime mover, the omniscient noumenal being, the Lord God Himself.

Why? well this leads me to the first bit of Monkey News for the week.

I, and those who know me well will confirm this, am possibly the world's biggest monkey fanatic. I love monkeys. Actually it's mainly apes, but, and this will be relevant later, apes and monkeys are confused often enough and other than when it's part of the excellent phrase "ape-shit" 'ape' is an inferior word to 'Monkey' all told and therefore I consider it legitimate to call myself a 'monkey fanatic' when in fact my fascination is as much with apes as monkeys.

It's important that you understand the esteem in which I hold our fellow primates. This story won't make sense unless you do. A couple of days ago I was wandering down the street near my current abode. I was pretty down it must be said - exams aren't going as well as I'd hoped etcetera. Up ahead two young women were having a very animated conversations, one was clearly disgruntled and the other had a consoling air. As I drew level with them my mopey nosey self tried to make out their conversation in order to distract myself from the tasks of the day.

And this is what I heard...

Agitated Woman: "fsdinfosinaoihfdoifhsf...."
Consoling Woman: "I know, and you're going to Monkey World tomorrow" [Strokes arm sympathetically]
Agitated Woman: "mdjas9dijaoifjddsiofdoifhtfruio..."

Yes. You read that right. "You're going to monkey world".

My feelings on this miraculous vision are very difficult to put into words. I think the best chance I have of transmitting the impact this snatched phrase has had on me is to draw up a list of the thoughts that have occurred to me since this momentous event...

1. Why is a woman who is clearly a student going to "Monkey World" in the middle of term time?
2. If she's going to "Monkey World" tomorrow, who's she going with? It sound like a chore...
3. Why is the person with her consoling her? Is Monkey World actually a metaphor for some kind of trauma centre?
4. Does "monkey world" even exist?
5. Did the conversation even happen? was I dreaming it? Is this the medication doing this to me?
6. OH MY GOD...I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SUCH A HEAVENLY PLACE AS "MONKEY WORLD" COULD EVEN EXIST
7. Hold on, is monkey world real? If so where is it? It's definately not near Oxford as I recently checked out the zoo related attractions in the Oxfordshire area (long story).
8. What If I googled" Monkey World?"
9. What the HELL is Monkey World?
10. I've googled "Monkey World". It exists. It's near Bournemouth.
11. If it's called "Monkey World", why is it an "Ape" rescue centre?!?
12. How much call is there for "Ape rescue" in the Bournemouth area?
13. I have to go.
14. The th0ugh of this is going to get me through finals.
15. "Monkey World" has saved my life.
16. Why did I of all people walk past at that very moment? there are thousands of finalists under pressure. There's only one finalist who would have been so profoundly affected by the discovery of "Monkey World" - me. What are the Chances of me being the finalist who walked past at that point?
17. A million to one.
18. That's fate.
19. God exists.
20. I believe.


QED